Examples of Awesome Personal Statements
Article Type: Tasty Bits
Write your own awesome personal statement with our COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY LAB, which will guide you through the process, providing tips and even more examples along the way.
Before you start, check out our own sample essays—or scroll down for the Best of the Web. Whether you're an athlete, a minority, or no one special (or, uh, probably some combination), we've got you covered.
No One Special
Some are surprising and some are clever, but they're all good examples of a "hook," not the kind with the pointy mustache but something that writers use to grab their reader's attention and make them want to keep reading.
Grab Them with the First Line
Stanford Magazine compiled the following list of great opening lines written by hopeful Stanford applicants.
Essays That Worked
Connecticut College posts a list of college essays “that worked.”
More Essays that Worked
Hamilton College provides access to some of their favorite application essays.
Other Resources for College Essay Writing
Writing the Personal Statement
The Purdue Online Writing lab offers a guide to writing all kinds of personal statements.
UC Berkeley Has a Say
Check out the University of California at Berkeley’s guide to writing the personal statement.
Application Tips: Tackling the Personal Essay
Abc.com provides some good tips on approaching the personal essay.
10 Tips for Writing the College Application Essay
The famous U.S. News & World Report offers some writing advice.
The Elements of Style
Flip through this famous guide to writing by William Strunk, Jr. that many students and teachers use. Read the 1918 version for free online.
Get Your Writing On
Some great handbooks on writing by writing guru Andrea Lunsford.
A Guide to Grammar and Writing
A cool interactive guide to grammar.
The University of Chicago’s guide to grammar.
Tamira Johnelle: Coach, Weight Loss Industry
[Weight loss coach Tamira Johnelle needed two versions of her bio: One for a conference for women entrepreneurs, and one for her website. Notice the different emphasis of the two bios based on the target audience.]
For conference program:
Tamira Johnelle is turning her own weight loss story into one of the fastest-growing businesses of its kind. The magnitude of her accomplishment going from size 18 to size 6 in 7 months, while eating dessert every day, is matched by the impressive growth of her following: from 1,639 followers to 11,550 followers in 4 weeks! She has created a 16-week virtual course as well as a one-on-one coaching program for people struggling with their own weight, giving them the blueprint to her success and helping them on their journey to weight loss freedom.
Tamira’s recipe collection of delicious, healthy main dishes and desserts, From a Size 18 to a Size 6 in 7 Months While Eating Dessert Daily, The MAIN DISH EDITION is selling like hotcakes. And people have responded amazingly well to her live recipe videos on Facebook Live and Periscope. Several of Tamira’s clients have lost 7-9 pounds after working with her for just 2 weeks. When you meet this no-nonsense, exuberant entrepreneur, you’ll understand why she is an inspiration to anyone wanting to enjoy both their food and their lives.
Tamira Johnelle, who went from a size 18 to a size 6 in 7 months, is an inspiration to anyone who has been struggling with their weight for years and who feels like a failure because of it.
Tamira grew up on the American junk food diet. As a girl, she would hide candy under the pillow, and wake up in the middle of the night to eat it. In the morning she woke up hungry for more. This cycle of unhealthy eating was consuming her life. As much as she tried to talk herself out of her patterns, she could not stop these overwhelmingly powerful cravings. This might sound familiar to you.
As she grew older, Tamira wrestled with her weight, going on unrealistic diets she couldn’t keep. Eat salads all day? Are you kidding? Tamira was not about to give up desserts forever—but she did want to be healthy and look great in a size 6 dress. She knew there must be a better way to get amazing and sustainable weight loss results.
One important step was learning how to cook. Tamira is self-taught and in 7 years has come up with a whole cookbook full of recipes that completely satisfy and that will stop your junk food cravings. Here are just a few of the delicious items you’ll find in “From a Size 18 to a Size 6 in 7 Months While Eating Dessert Daily, The MAIN DISH EDITION”:
Tasty, Satisfying Entrees: Slow Cooker BBQ Pulled Chicken, Salmon Cakes, Black Bean Avocado Quesadillas
Desserts that Won’t Have You Thinking about Junk Food All Day: Turmeric-Lemon Kidney Bean Cake, Maple-Cayenne Cookies, Maple-Pineapple-Lime Sorbet
But recipes will only get you 20% there. Tamira has developed an entire lifestyle that has helped her and others get and keep the weight off through positive affirmations, healthy meals, exercise and a host of other methods. She has created a 16-week virtual course as well as a one-on-one coaching program for people struggling with their own weight, giving them the blueprint to her success and helping them on their journey to weight loss freedom.
[Success stories follow]